Hm. Haven't updated in a while.


Over the last.. -Looks at watch-... Ten minutes, I've noticed how much I've matured since I first joined the Deviant Art community. Artistically, physically, and maturely. ..

Looking back on my old journals, I realized how much of an annoying, whiny, anime lover I was. Honestly, was I really that annoying? Ha. For one I was waaay too dramatic. And then some. But did I really use that many icons to express my immature dramatics? My God. I was one of those girls that I would have wanted to choke now-a-days...

I remember I joined this community when I was 12 years old. I thought I was the greatest artist on the planet, apparently. I definitely know that I am not as good as many many other people in this world. Now a days, I do get mad at people for calling my art simple, or telling me I can't draw something, or when they can draw okay but that haven't had as much practice- they start to criticize my work about the minor and really really hard details. Of course, "Everybody's a critic." So really, saying I don't do that would make me a hypocrite. I just don't say it out loud unless asked my opinion on it.

In other news there's been a lot of shit going on, unneeded drama and all that. Frankly, the entire situation finally drove me into getting a therapist and possible put on medication. When I went to Iowa for 2 weeks, I continuously had anxiety and panic attacks. For several reasons, one will remain in my head. The room I was sleeping had 2 windows, with this I freaked out whenever I heard a noise outside. Second, I couldn't have the light on and I have a horrible fear of the dark (Who knew?)Three, it was FREEZING COLD. Fourth, I was in a new place... SO I wasn't used to it. Near the end of that time period I was allowed to sleep on the couch and watch TV to keep myself from having an attack. It worked.

Out in Iowa, I was visiting my Grandparents. They are rather strict Christians. I never really was, though I was raised Christian... I had to go to church for the first time in around... 8 years? I listened. Listened closely.

I hated church.

My grandfather constantly spewed things about homosexuals, and all this stupid shit that I don't believe in. Would our God want us to be happy? And the bible was written many many MANY centuries ago when there weren't a lot of people in the world. Now the world is obviously not under populated, so why should we worry about people being homosexual? Love is love is love.

Christianity made no sense to me. And I tried (I tried I tried! -Repo! Reference)to understand and tried to abide the rules but it just didn't feel right... near the end of it, my friend and I constantly talked over the phone about psychic related things. Magic, tarot cards, spirits... It felt right. From then on I felt the right to say I was not Christian, but possibly Pagan or Wiccan. I was happy to find out that my mother didn't mind my beliefs... When she said that I decided to tell her I am Bisexual. I know a lot of people don't believe in bisexual people but it's a complicated thing. I figured out that with me, it's mainly just bisexual intentions.


I've been finding out who I am a lot recently. It's making me grow up more and more. But, I don't want to grow up too fast. Slow me down, please? I'm 15 and already have adult problems.

<3